I'm convinced that seniors revert back to children as they age

My mother-in-law is staying with us for a few days.  She is a generous woman who shows her love through doing things for others.

Gary Chapman's book, "The 5 Love Languages" helped me to understand my husband -- and in this case, his mother as well.  Their personal love language is Acts of Service, however mine is not.  My love language is Quality Time, tied with Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation.   Gary says in his book that people who love showing Acts of Service will do anything to ease the burden of responsibilities for others.  Anything you do for them speaks volumes.  The words they most want to hear is "Let me do that for you".  If you are lazy, break commitments or make more work for them that tells them that their feelings don't matter.


Knowing how my mother-in-law shows me she loves me and the aging challenges that one day I know I'll face, helps me to be more tolerant.  I know she just wants to be helpful.  She asks if she can help do something like set the table, help prepare dinner, tend the fire in the wood stove, dry the dishes.  Though that sounds nice, and it is, she asks for help when she is helping.  I know it comes from a desire to help us younger folk and a bit of independence but when I have to stop what I'm doing to tell her how to do something like stirring up the fire to get it going again, well -- I'd rather just do it myself than have to explain everything.  It reminds me of having a child staying with us.  It feels like I have to entertain her, talk to her, answer questions and then I feel so bad because although I do it, my heart attitude is not right.

This morning, we took a very s-l-o-w walk because she is, after all 83.  I've answered tons of questions in one day, waiting for the time when my husband gets home from work.  This afternoon, mom and I watched two movies together (with the volume up).  While I had seen them both, I slipped away to the kitchen during the second movie to do start some baking. Mom brought things with her to do like hemming a pair of pants but didn't bring scissors or straight pins.  I had some sewing things tucked away in my mother's old sewing machine table.  I opened one of the drawers and carefully dug through it.  I specifically said to my mother-in-law, "I have to be careful not to move anything much because I can't get it back in the drawer. These were my mother's sewing things that I've kept even though I don't sew."  When I went into the other room to look for the pins, she took everything out  just like a 10 year old.  I had to make everything fit back in the drawers again.  Later while I was trying to get dinner ready she tried to help tend the fire in the wood stove but only made it worse.

I remembered reading that seniors, as they age, often revert back to childhood.  The more time I spend with my mother-in-law the more I come face to face with my own mortality.  It scares me to think that by the time I become a senior citizen, I will go through this same thing.  The thought of putting my children through that scares the heck out of me.  

I believe when you are faced with difficult people or situations, we have to look inside ourselves to search out our fears and face the real reasons we have conflicts.  We clash with some personalities for various reasons.  Sometimes its because they are too much like ourselves.  Sometimes it is because one personality is extroverted while another is introverted.  People who need to control others often have trouble controlling their own emotions.  So on and so forth....it is a deep subject but trying to understand yourself is the first step.   Why do we let people push our invisible buttons?  

In conclusion, I know that I have grown so much in dealing with my mother-in-law but I don't like taking care of other people unless they are my children or my grandchildren.  Selfishly, I feel I've paid my dues -- raised my children, took care of my aging parents until they died and now I have moved thousands of miles to be closer to my family, including my husband's family.  One of the reasons was to be closer to his mother because I knew that she would someday need us.  Right now, I'm facing the fact that it is going to get worse before it gets better.  Facing mortality in others also makes us look in a mirror to face our own.  Aging is part of life.  Sooner or later we all get old.  

"Dear Lord, help me, give me the strength to deal with my mother-in-law and please, please give my family the patience they need to deal with me now and especially when I get old! Amen."

There is no place like home and home is where the heart is.

A Different Twist This Week

Just when we thought Spring had arrived -- all the snow has finally melted, green grass everywhere, birds singing, and now tonight its snowing again.  


We put an ad on Kijiji to sell our motorhome.  I'll miss the adventures in this traveling home but there is nothing to say that we won't buy another one down the road.  Hmmm, that's a catchy title of a blog...'down the road again'....almost a twist on Willie Nelson's song.  


This week should be very interesting.  We're driving to Isobel's house again to strip the wallpaper from the downstairs walls and bathroom.  Then do a few more repairs then help tidy up the clutter.  Bringing boxes with us to pack up a lot of stuff.  When we come back we are bringing my mother-in-law home with us for five days. This should be very interesting.


...there's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home.

Random Thoughts I’m Thinking

Can I ppplease just watch one TV sitcom without a homosexual lifestyle in it?

Wanted:  creative and original ideas for TV and Movies!  Not  accepting remakes, comic books or reality TV  shows but can be based on a true story.  Imagination a must!  Profanity not necessary.  Must be heart-moving, enlightening and inspiring.

I do know what’s funny so I don’t need a laugh track, thank you very much. 

 

How come I never meet a HGTV makeover designer and film crew whenever I’m shopping at Home Depot, Lowes or Sears?   Believe me, I would be more interesting than some of the homeowners on those shows.  How do I spell entertainment?  P – E – R – S – O – N – A – L – I – T – Y

Random Photos of March

...there is no place like home and home is where the heart is.

Ur In Nation

wind turbines towering high above the trees 

traveling life's highway

My goal is to get healthier now that we've moved to the country and lose weight by exercising, right.  I knew when we moved here I would begin walking as soon as the Winter season was over. The last couple of weeks have been ideal for getting outside to begin my walking plan.  The plan was to "walk around the block" keeping in mind that my block is 9 kilometers or 5 1/2 miles because I live in a rural area.  I measured the distance by car, marking down each landmark for every half of a kilometer. I try to take a few photos along my journey just to keep it interesting.

old buildings, possibly used for hay storage for firewood

The first day I walked 2 km, which is 4 km round trip (almost 2 1/2 miles).  No problem.  I was so proud of myself.  The next walk I made it 2.5 km, which is 5 km round trip (3 miles) but half way in I felt the need to urinate.  Holding it as long as I could I was finally forced to hide and relieve myself before I got home.

twisted tree branches

Today I walked 3.5 km, 7 km round trip (4 1/3 miles).  Once again the strong urge to eliminate came upon me.  I was able to hold it until I got home. 

trickling, running water, snow melting in the fields.... 

The need to urinate is disrupting my workout so now I'm wondering what I can change to avoid voiding while I'm walking.  My long-term goal is to walk much longer and a much further distance so I've got to figure something out.  I've decided to try walking earlier in the morning BEFORE I've had my coffee or anything else to drink.   I don't want to become dehydrated because that really does make me sick with headaches, body aches and nausea.  One article I read suggested that I drink a large glass of water one hour before going on the walk, then urinate immediately before I start my walk.  The reason for this is to make sure I am well-hydrated but have eliminated extra fluid before starting my walk. 

If this doesn't work, I may have to invest in adult disposable undergarments.  

It "depends" on how things don't go.  

Two embarrassing moments in one day

Yesterday was a beautiful day! The sun was shining so nicely spreading around a healthy dose of Vitamin D.  I went for another walk to get back on track with my walking plan, which I had started a few days ago. That first day I managed to walk 2 km, with a total of 4 km round trip.  This day I managed to walk a total of 5 km.


As I walked, I prayed for my family and friends and for the survivors in Japan from the earthquake, tsunami and nuclear meltdown.  Before you know it I had easily surpassed the 2 km mark and was headed for my next landmark for 2.5 km. 


When I stopped to catch my breath I took a few pictures.  I spotted a black and orange Caterpillar inching its way across the highway. 

I couldn’t compare my challenge with that little fellow as his a life-or-death risk of not achieving his goal.  At least I didn't have to yield myself to a deadly automobile tire running over me.  I was not hurting like I normally would have been; I was actually feeling pretty good until I felt that pain you sometimes get when you take a long car trip.  


Why does the need to relieve your bladder always happens at the most inopportune times?  Here I am taking a long walk along the countryside 2.5 km away from home with no place to relieve myself other than finding some heavily wooded area or a deep ditch along side of the road.  I could see our house from across the large open field.  

our house from across the field

If it was possible to cut across it I would have been home within 5 minutes. I think you can figure out what had to happen before I got home so if you don't mind I'll skip the rest of this part.  The first embarrassing moment of the day has just happened.

After my walk, I needed to drive into town to get some groceries and do some banking. The Town of Tillsonburg is about a 30 minute drive from our house but on this beautiful, sun-warmed day, I enjoyed the opportunity to get out for a drive.  I managed to get my banking done and headed to the local Wal-Mart and Dollar Store before going grocery shopping.  While I was at the Dollar Store I did something I never, ever, ever do!  I took my purse out of my cart and sat it down in the isle I was shopping in.  I had been filling my cart with several large containers when I ran out of room.  I temporarily sat my purse down on a child-size chair that was in that isle. Then I tried to rearrange my cart to hold everything but walked away without picking up my purse.  It could happen to anyone, right?  I guarantee it won't happen to me again!   I was two isles over when I realized it and then the PANIC hit me! You would have thought I had lost my child in the department store.  I started yelling as loudly as I could for everyone in the store to help me find my purse, fearing the worst that someone had walked by and taken it out of my cart.  Like the children’s story, Chicken Little yelling “The sky is falling, the sky is falling!” I may have actually yelled something like, "Lock the doors and don't let anyone out! My purse is missing! My purse is missing!!!!"  I’m sure I started yelling, "Help me, please, help me find my purse!”  There was never any doubt whether everyone in the store heard me or not!  I was determined that if someone did take my purse from my cart, they were not leaving the store unnoticed so my intention was to make a loud scene and I didn't care what anyone thought of me. 

I got a couple of very nice ladies responding to help me.  Somebody asked what area I had been shopping in last.  While running toward the back of the store peering frantically down each isle to try and spot a thief with a red purse, a lady yelled out, "What color is it?" and I yelled back "Red!"! Then I heard the relieving words, "Found it, it’s over here!"   I had been running to the area I was shopping last and toward the sound of their voice.  The lady pointed to another woman saying, she said she didn't even notice it until just now when you said it was red.  I was so relieved and started thanking everyone near me as I grabbed it and checked to make sure the wallet was inside and that my ID, bank card and credit cards were all there.  Such relief, all was well.  The second embarrassing moment of the day has just occurred.

Miche purse my daughter bought for me

By this time, my heart was pounding out of my chest.  It hit me pretty hard when I realized I had caused it to happen myself by being so careless.  What an idiot!  Thankfully a sweet older lady took the time to tell me she knew how I felt because something similar had happened to her.  I was talking out loud to several people around me about how there is nothing worse next to losing your child in a department store.  I am thankful to God for the empathy and assistance of those few ladies that cared to help me.  The saddest part is out of 30 people in the store, including employees, only 3 people reacted to my pleas for help.  Everyone else completely ignored me as though it wasn’t their problem or it never even happened.  I hate to think what their reaction would have been if a child had been missing. It seems kind of silly now – after all it was just my purse -- but by yelling loudly and making a scene I had a clear purpose in mind.  I thought if someone had taken my purse from my cart they were not going to just walk out of there unnoticed because I had drawn attention to the situation even if over half the store didn’t seem to care, a thief doesn’t like any act of possible attention to his crime. 

Do I sound a little paranoid?  Ok, well, you see, over 20 years ago, when I lived in Kansas, my purse was lifted right out of my shopping cart while grocery shopping all because I carelessly left it in my cart and turned my back.  The thief just walked by my cart, took my purse and kept on walking then went a few isles over, removed my wallet and stashed my purse on a grocery store shelf.  I lost everything and had to start all over again replacing my driver license, credit cards, etc and this is why I never let my purse out of my sight ever since that day. At this time in my life as an American living in Canada with permanent resident status, I cannot afford to risk losing my identity. I actually have copies made of everything that is in my wallet and keep it at home in my file cabinet.  I just recently stopped having a reoccurring nightmare of losing my wallet and my identity.

Ok, maybe I made a scene in public. I feel it was validated regardless of what anyone else thought.  I hope you never have to find out the trouble you have to go through when you have your purse stolen.  There is a whole lot more to identity theft these days and besides we have our whole lives in our purses don’t we ladies?  

Japanese Earthquake and Tsunami

I'm sure the day the earth quaked in Japan was like any other day when the people of Japan got up that morning.  Little did they know this would be the day they would experience the worst natural disaster in their lives.  First the Earthquake 8.9, then the Tsunami, then the Nuclear meltdown happened.

Let us remember this day, March 11, 2011 when Northeastern Japan was struck by one of the most powerful earthquakes in recorded history – magnitude 8.9 on the Richter scale. Thousands are feared dead and hundreds of thousands have been displaced. 

This event is just another contraction in the earth, like birth pangs, as a sign of epic proportion.  

Birth pangs, in terms of Bible Prophecy, refers to certain convulsive geopolitical, geophysical, astrophysical and world-wide socio-economic events and issues scheduled to occur in the time leading up to Jesus Christ's Second Advent (second coming). These are likened to the contractions experienced by a woman about to give birth, with those episodes increasing with frequency and intensity. Jesus' foretelling of these birth pangs use the word "sorrows," on end time things to come --  check out the rest on their website: http://www.raptureready.com/abc/birth_pangs.html 

People, the clock is ticking, the countdown already begun 2,000 years ago.  The beginning of sorrows are like contractions and have been coming harder and harder recently in the last several years and with more intensity.  The birth of a new beginning is fast approaching, are you ready?  

"And there shall be signs in the sun, and in the moon, and in the stars; and upon the earth distress of nations, with perplexity; the sea and the waves roaring; Men's hearts failing them for fear, and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth: for the powers of heaven shall be shaken. And then shall they see the Son of man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. And when these things begin to come to pass, then look up, and lift up your heads; for your redemption draweth nigh." (Luke 21: 8-11, 25-28)  

In the meantime, we reach out and help where we can and pray for these people in Japan and other places that are suffering now as a result.  Give from the heart.  Help meet urgent needs by donating to World Vision Canada or by calling 1-866-595-5550.

Bird Watching Even On Drizzle Days

There are signs of Spring around us.  Despite the damp, cold and drizzly weather, the birds are singing as though they know something we don't.  Our grass, currently soaked, stayed green through the entire Winter, that is something we are definitely not use to coming from Calgary where our grass turned brown until late Spring.   Even though the sun is not shining through the overcast sky, I am anxious to start a walking program to lose weight and get into better health.  I am hoping to walk daily (weather permitting) with the goal to complete a full circle around the road to road grid of 9 km (5.5 miles) round trip.  Today my hubby and I began walking mid-morning before the weather started to drizzle on us.  We walked 4 km (2.5 miles) round trip and got back just in time before we got wet.

I took some photos of how our day turned into foggy and wet but it didn't seem to deter the birds.  There were a lot of them throughout the day.  Unfortunately I couldn't get any photos of the birds we are currently hearing around us right now, which are the beautiful Northern Cardinal, the Red-winged Blackbird and the snowy, white Tundra Swans or as they use to be called "Whistling Swans" migrating to the Northwest Territories to their breeding grounds.  The swans are loud but they are very temporal in this area.  Of course I have seen the common Robin and the always reliable Chickadee and Wren but more than any other bird I really am looking forward to seeing Hummingbirds this Summer.  That would absolutely make my day!  Until then I'll have to just keep watching and listening like everyone else for our fine feathered friends to show up.  Lets hope I can get some photos too.

There is no place like home and home is where the heart is.

Teddi Encounters A New Critter (Opposum)

Virginia Opposum (Didelphis virginiana) 

Teddi, Our German Shepherd/Rottweiler

Sunday night when we got home from our travel up north, I went to check our traps (mousetraps) in the basement.  I expected to see the trap simply flipped over on top of the furnacing ducting above. Instead I found a mouse caught with his hand in the "cookie jar" lying in the middle of the basement floor.  That would have been quite a fall from the ducting overhead. As I looked closer I could see he was still alive.  Dang it, I hadn't counted on this!  I expect the hard lever to snap its necks the way nature intended with a mousetrap.  Since I don't know if this just happened or how long he's been there or how close to death he may be, I decide I don't want to risk being bitten.  I went to get a plastic baggie and then scooped up the mouse and mousetrap all in one move.  I took it outside to my husband who was shoveling snow and ask him to take this critter to put him out of his misery.  I'm thinking squashing his head with a hammer or something more humane -- quick and over in a split-second.  Instead my husband took the baggie, walked across the road to the ditch and released the disabled, near-death mouse into a pile of snow.  Then he came back, handed me the baggie with the empty trap inside.  He said, "He'll either die from his wounds, freeze to death or get eaten by something else."   I replied astonished, "I know, that's why I wanted a quick and painless end for him and that's why I gave him to you to take care of.  I could have done THAT myself."   Keep in mind this tiny, dead critter has now become part of the food chain for some other critter. This is where it gets interesting.

Two nights later my husband and I were standing outside on the porch.  Our dog, Teddi had wondered off to do her business.  It was dark enough that we could hardly see her clearly but there was enough light that we noticed she had crossed the road to the ditch where the mouse had been left for dead. Teddi's boundries around our acreage end at the road but she was across the road and obviously mesmerized by something because she wouldn't respond to our demands to return inside the yard.  I can't imagine that she had encountered that mouse, who was long since dead and probably already something's dinner.

Although we couldn't see it from the porch we later discovered that Teddi encountered a Virginia Opossum, a common native to the Long Point biosphere we live in.  This was news to us.  I expected we might see a Racoon or two but I hadn't figured on a Opposum.  The funny thing is I think this critter may have found the dead mouse.  An interesting twist is that the Opposum kind of looks like a giant mouse in some ways.

Teddi wouldn't come when we called her so my husband went back inside, got his boots on, grabbed her leash and went to get her.  Teddi was now standing in the middle of the road just a few feet beyond our property starring down the critter.  She wasn't budging and neither was the Opposum.  We think it might have been a young one because it put up no fight and Teddi, who I thought might have tried to grab it and shake it like one of her stuffed toys, was only observing the critter with no threat at all.  I know these critters can be aggressive if cornered so its probably best that it was out in the open and that Teddi was only being curious. She had never seen one before so she didn't know what to think about it.

It was interesting enough to blog about it so stay tuned for there is sure to be more than one kind of critter we will probably encounter living at Green Acres.   

More renovations but not at our house

We will be traveling this weekend to visit my mother-in-law.  We have committed to helping her get her home ready for sale.  This weekend we will look at her home to assess the work that needs to be done.  This means a full calendar for us for the next while.  We're hoping to visit my sister-in-law and her family while we are in the area.  The weather shouldn't be too bad and hopefully when we come back we'll find that a lot of our snow here will have melted down.

UPDATE
My mother-in-law is elderly and has recently decided to sell her house and move to an apartment.  My husband and I drove 3 ½ hours to visit his mother for the weekend.  It was to help determine what needed to be done to make the house ready for resale.  We wanted to find out a time frame and what her expectations were.  We’ve offered our services to her at our own expense and time.   She would only have to pay for the materials.  By the end of the weekend we discovered she is not ready and will need to seriously figure out what she wants.

My mother-in-law, like many seniors, has accumulated a lot of stuff over her lifetime.  Her house is extremely cluttered and she admits she is not a very good housekeeper.  The cleaning and de-cluttering alone will require a lot of preparation to sell the house even if we do not do any upgrades or repairs.  Within the amount of stuff she has collected she also has an enormous supply of very nice hard-covered books from Readers Digest on the subject of gardening, health, redecorating and birds.  She offered them to me, along with a wooden, multi-armed plant holder.  I sat down with great appreciation and began going through all her books to select the ones I would like to take home. So far, we helped declutter her home by bringing it to our home!  I can see where this is heading one item at a time.  In the future, I have to gain more self-control because the last thing I need is more stuff! 

Secret of a great relationship!

Not my normal subject of discussion but I felt strongly that I have to share this with you and I think you'll see why when I'm done.

I'm not the greatest at recognizing musical artists and matching them with their correct songs.  Sometimes I don't even realize that an artist has been around for awhile then all of a sudden one day I hear a song that I absolutely love and ask who the heck is that?

Well the other day I came across a music video that gave me goosebumps.  I absolutely love this song "Just The Way You Are" and video by Bruno Mars.  Don't laugh but before I came across this song I never even heard of Bruno Mars and now I'm thinking of this song all the time. It is very creative and beautiful.  The lyrics are as beautiful as the music.  I guess this song touched me because it is sung by a guy to his beautiful lady and is the secret to a great relationship.

Relationships would be off the charts if men and women could only just understand the beauty of these words and the importance of saying them to one another.  Stop trying to change one another to fit your idea of who they should be.  It will only end in disaster.  Until you see that person simply wants to be valued and loved for who they really are, you will never be happy and all your relationships will fail.  It took me three times to finally smarten up.  I finally found the love of my life and learned that I had to go into this relationship taking my husband exactly as he is.  The only way to be happy in a committed relationship is to accept each other faults and all.

Before you dive off the deep end and choose to let your heart go wild realize these important truths:

1. accept that he / she will not be perfect
2. accept that you will not be able to change them
3. accept that the one who will have to change is YOU