One of those emotional days

I had one of those emotional days where you just feel like you are oozing tears from every pore.  I can always tell when I'm having one of those days because I'm super sensitive and cry very easily.  There hasn't been one of those days to that magnitude in a long time.

The day started off not good.  Actually the night before was a little rough too.  Anyway, this morning I had an appointment with my neighbor who is a massage therapist and a Christian.  When I walked in she asked how I was doing.  When you're this sensitive that you're on the edge of tears it only takes one person to ask how you are doing before you fold up in a heap of emotional truth.  So I told her I wasn't doing so well because it was one of those emotional days.  When I was on the massage table with sweet music playing and her healing hands working out the pain in my body, this is the moment that I broke down.  There's nothing like being almost naked under the covers, lying facing down peering through a small hole for your face to get the emotion to start pouring out.  As soon as she began working the pain out of my body, the tears of emotional pain began to flow out as well.  She asked if I would like her to pray for me and I answered, "Yes, please do" through my tears.  Why was I crying?  What was bothering me?  Seriously, men are just men and women, well we understand one another.  God is working on an inner healing as much as the outer healing.  I don't even know what's going on inside me but I'll say this -- God is faithful to never leave us and He bottles every tear we shed.

Psalm 56:8

Record my lament;
       list my tears on your scroll —
       are they not in your record? (NIV)

You have taken account of my wanderings;
         Put my tears in Your bottle
         Are they not in Your book? (NASB)

You keep track of all my sorrows.
      You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
      You have recorded each one in your book. (NLT)

Write down my poem of sadness.
      List my tears on your scroll.
      Aren’t you making a record of them? (NIRV)

As she prayed over me, God's peace washed over me but the tears that had drained out left my face swollen and barely recognizable when I was done.  The things that God spoke to my heart were truth and everyone knows that the truth sometimes hurts.  They were too personal to be shared on this blog but I'll say that God is working on me from the inside out to remove toxins physically as well as bitter pains of my heart and toxic messages running through my mind.  I would have rated that massage as a 10 because of I had been worked over body, soul and spirit.

I went home and managed to pull myself together, avoiding my husband's questions about why I looked so bad.  My mind and body were m-u-s-h but I had to get ready and drive myself into town for an appointment with another hearing specialist regarding my problem with tinnitus (ringing in the ears).  I had made the appointment through the internet.  I also had a lot of other errands to do that day as well.

The 40 minute drive into town gave me much needed quiet time with just me and God together alone in the car.  As God began revealing even more pain buried deep in my heart, the conversation I had with him was again bathed in tears as I allowed everything to come up to the surface.  By the time I actually arrived in town, I was feeling a cleansing relief from my sorrows and had gained a revelation that only God could have shown me about myself because He knows us so much better than we can ever know ourselves.  Emotionally drained I followed my GPS to the address of the medical office I was headed for.

Jumping ahead I'm just going to say that GPS failed me miserably and got me lost. I tried to call the doctor's office but the line was busy every time.  By the time I had finally found the office, I was mentally exhausted to the point I didn't care anymore and could barely remember my own name.  Everything seemed like too much effort.  When I got to the doctor's office, the woman did not know who I was nor was she expecting me.  Heck, by this time I barely knew who I was either.  We determined that the appointment I had made was not at this office but was actually for an office located 76 km (47 miles) north of where I was currently.  However, everything worked out better than I could have imagined.  I was more than happy to reschedule for another day, especially after having broken into tears in her office. She was very kind to me and hurried to get the issue straightened out.  I did speak to the doctor who was seriously interested in my condition and actually excited about new research on a certain kind of hearing device to help people who suffer with tinnitus.  We managed to reschedule and I left there with more hope than I had when I was tested in Calgary.

After leaving the hearing office, my day began to get brighter and brighter.  Everything from that point was like the sunshine that began coming out brighter as the day wore on. We rescheduled for the upcoming Monday.

We all have days that we can't explain, days where we wonder, ' why did I even get out of bed today' but in the end, though I can't begin to explain the what or why of it but this day was special in so many ways.  It was painful. It was refreshing.  It was healing.  It was necessary.

Now I must go to bed and get my rest.